McC's Corner: Let's face it folks, I'm hurting

God I don't want to go to that debate tonight.

Greetings, America. John here. It's 6 a.m. Cindy's out in the back packaging up another adopted baby gorilla that arrived dead, yet again, and I've just taken my pills. You'd think after forty years I'd be used to having over half my body immolated by napalm. But you never get past it, America. I'm just happy you've chosen me for my principles as a leader and not out of pity for my injuries. Nor have you exploited me. Roger Simon of Politico said on MSNBC last night that "John McCain loves to shoot craps" and he is correct, I do love to shoot shit.

Terrible dreams last night. Time for a talk.

America, our economy is failing us. It reminds me of the day both my legs were shattered to pieces in Vietnam. Sure, it was an American soldier holding the rifle that shot me, but does it really matter who pulled the trigger? Democratic Administration? Republican Administration? Economically speaking, I mean. And, economically speaking, I remember begging for mercy. Please don't kill me, I said. What was the message? Message was I was lucky to have just my legs shot off that day, America. He could have shot me in the throat.

Economically speaking, I remember that day vividly. I also remember the big black corporal in the other room, loaded up on DMT screaming Tina Turner lyrics, and threatening to fuck any instant. As I laid in a pool of my own blood, slowly going into shock, I remember thinking of America. That's you, America. It was you I thought of as that can of Napalm exploded onto my face, as well. And that's our economy right now.

America's economy is like this, America. Exactly as I've just described it. God I don't want to go to that debate tonight.

Reminds me of the day in Vietnam I lost both my arms to a boobie trap. Hooks just yanked the suckers right off. Pop went the weasels. Can't we instead focus on this? Once again, America, I thank you for never making any criticism of me as a candidate due to these shortcomings. "John, how are you going to go into politics? You're missing every limb, your spine is chopped to pieces by shrapnel, and your face is covered in burns?" I remember my first wife asking me this, as she left me with our kids, citing my injuries as her only reason for abandonment. I vowed then to enter [...]

Senator John McCain is a guest blogger on www.ep.tc

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